In my last post, I told you the best news in the world: I should get a kidney transplant in early December if all goes well! And for the first time since the opening of this site, I found an unexpected lightness: I did not feel the urgency to publish as often as possible for fear of being forgotten.
I was so scared to miss an opportunity to find a potential donor. I felt that I was the only person who could really help me, by sharing my story with as many people as possible. I felt like if I didn’t work on finding a kidney, I was going to be stuck forever in this intolerable state. I often said it: my full-time job was to find a kidney.
Since the call telling me the good news, the pressure on my shoulders has been considerably reduced, and it feels really good! I am finally no longer looking for a donor and if I don’t, my life will be forfeited. I’m in a completely different state of mind: I expect my life to resume soon!
Three busy weeks
It’s already been 3 weeks since I last wrote in the blog, the longest break since the opening of the site last January. I took some time off the site, even though I had some stuff to tell.
In the last few weeks, I’ve done a lot of interviews, where I’ve been able to talk about organ donation, Polycystic Kidney Disease (PKD) and presumed consent. I communicated by messages with my donor, who seems like a fabulous person. I had the meeting with the surgeon of the Hôpital Maisonneuve-Rosemont who will operate on me, to explain the operation. I rested a lot, too. Through it all, I was still present on the facebook page A Kidney for Judith, where I publish several times a week. And I really started to learn about post-transplant life, what I can expect as an immunosuppressed person (that, I’ll tell you about it again, but it bodes well!)!
A necessary break to find a balance
I think that unconsciously, I needed to take a break from the rigor I imposed on myself about this blog, which came a lot from my despair to be able to find a donor one day.
Yes, writing here gave me a project occupying me in a rather drabe life. In addition, I could raise awareness of my situation and that of others who are going through the same thing as me. But if I’m honest, the basis of why I wrote so often was to find a donor. To get my life back.
The donor may still change his mind, but for now, I’m enjoying the disappearance of my sense of urgency. It’s okay, I should live again soon, I can breathe a little. My life as I desire it is no longer in danger at the moment.
A lot less weight on my shoulders, I’ll tell you! I am really more serene, and calmer. And happier, too.
Now I hope to be able to focus on the useful part of my work here: raising awareness about PKD and organ donation throughout my history (and preparing for the transplant, which normally happens in less than two months! :O).
No need to save my life.
I breathe… Finally!
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