Day T minus 10 days!!!
Whew! Waiting takes so much time! I’m so looking forward to the operation! Anti-rejection medication gives me some side effects, including stomach ache and hand tremors. I am completely exhausted. It’s really hard to wait patiently!
Less stress since last week
Last week, I was really stressed about everything that was coming. Many of you have written to me to encourage me and sometimes to reassure me! Thank you, really, it made me feel better! I have received several testimonials from people telling me about their journey and their transplant, and you have all told me that life after it will necessarily be better than now. And I believe it now. It was also suggested that I meditate, which I have been doing every day since. It helps.
Thank you very much, you helped me not to fear the operation anymore. Now I just can’t wait for it to get better!
Wait, again and again
Time passes at the speed of the pausing snail. I would have expected to be filled with hope a few days before the transplant. I am in part. I can’t wait and I believe in the second life that awaits me at the turn of December. I fill my days as I can, with the energy I have. I try not to get too depressed, but my psychologist says that my brain is finally allowing itself the depression that I did not let myself live when I was looking for a kidney to be able to live. Now that I have found it, my body and brain relax in spite of me and I have more difficulty to live than I did before. I try not to be swept away by this great wave of melancholy that falls on me.
I spend a lot of time thinking about old age these days. I feel like I’m living a little bit of what an elderly person can go through. Not being able to do anything she wants, caught in a body that no longer responds as before. I want to, but can’t. It’s so long, life in this state! I have even more compassion for all these people, I have no idea how they manage to stay positive. I have several years ahead of me to learn to accept life as it is! In addition, I have the chance to live what I live now accompanied by the best: Thierry. Without him, it would be much worse.
The secret to a bearable life
In fact, I think the secret for me is people. Today, I really didn’t feel well. Everything loses meaning for me if I can’t move towards a goal. Honestly, if I don’t help others, I find life a bit empty. In the afternoon, my friend Myriam called me. I was able to talk, tell her how I felt and think of something else. Listen to another person’s story and get myself out of mine. It made me feel better. It is with others that my life has meaning. As much as I need time on my own in general, I have too much time now 😛
My shrink tells me to take the opportunity to take care of myself. Honestly, two years of doing this is just too much 😛
I know, I interspersed this period with moments when I was publicly talking about PKD (Polycystic Kidney Disease) and living organ donation, and that’s a good thing that I did! Without a goal, I’d have gone crazy long before! I agree that I have to take care of myself, but you have to take care of yourself so you can do something else, not just that! It lacks purpose!
In any case, I can’t wait. December 1st can’t come too soon for me!
See you soon!
PS:
I know that the name of my facebook page has been changed to a name not related. It was hacked in order to sell products… Luckily, Janie contacted me quickly to tell me that there had been a name change on my page! I was able to change my password before it was too late! However, I have to wait a few more days before I can change the name of my page again because of Facebook’s rules. Thank you for your understanding in the meantime!
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